Order Only Private Message to Sirius Black and Remus Lupin

[alt_nymphadora]

Look, I'm just going to put this here. Who knows whether Ellie will give us a chance to talk about it, and I suppose you want to send off your owl tomorrow morning first thing.

These questions aren't half impossible, you know, but I know that's how she feels about it all--as if there are no answers to be had.

And she asks the hardest one first, doesn't she?

But do you really think we can change anything without using violence?

I do think there are things we can change or at least things we can do without violence, but I don't know at all that we'll be able to change everything that needs changing. I do doubt that's possible.

She's twisted things up about the unforgivables, hasn't she?

I think dead is dead, and it doesn't matter all that much whether you kill someone with Avada Kedavra or with a blasting curse to the midsection or with a knife to the heart.

That's coming at it backside front. Is that the way they're teaching them to think about murder? Yes, there are lots of ways your enemy might end up dead, but Avada Kedavra has only that one outcome and it only works if you absolutely mean it to. The difference is wanting to protect yourself and wanting to kill--wanting to disarm or, well, harm.

I know I come to this from a different place than most do, but I've seen it used. And I never could. It takes-

It takes bloodlust to be able to cast it. The killing curse. I really think it does. And I know it causes it, too. I mean, after a person casts it, they look more bloodthirsty than before.

And there's no taking it back. If you use the killing curse, there's no chance of bringing the person to trial. Or of correcting a mistake, if you were wrong in thinking they were guilty. I know she's talking about Bellatrix Lestrange and the Carrows, but what are the chances that she'll end up opposite anyone like that? It could happen--well, not with Carrows now, thank Merlin--but it's more likely to be someone she doesn't know enough about to make that judgement. That's part of it: you act the wizengamot, don't you, if you kill someone outright? I don't want to make that decision because who am I to say whether death is the right sentence? And even if it is, who am I to say they shouldn't make restitution or be made to tell all they've done or reveal important information before they're put to death? And there's no chance of any of that if I kill them in a duel or a battle. Let alone an ambush.

They didn't give my mother a chance. They could have arrested her and put her on trial, but they didn't. They killed her where she stood. And that was horrible. It was evil. You should have seen his face when he cast it. And after-

I may want revenge, but that doesn't mean I want to do to them what they did to her. That would make me just like the wizard who killed her. Mulciber.
 
 
 
 
 
I'm sorry. I know she asked more questions, but that's all I can write for now. Not sure it's what you wanted even. I don't think it would make much sense to her, would it?

I'm sorry.

Comments

[alt_lupin]

Don't apologise, Dora. This is a good answer.

[alt_nymphadora]

Thanks, you.

I didn't know what I was going to write before I started, and then-


I haven't thought about that in a while.

[alt_lupin]

I'm going to make you some tea and biscuits. We don't have to tell Ellie why.

[alt_nymphadora]

Chamomile, maybe?

[alt_lupin]

Kettle's started.

[alt_nymphadora]

Ta.

I think I'm done sniffling. Just going to keep at this washing up, though. Won't hurt to wash all the glasses a second time, will it?

[alt_sirius]

Now there, Dora, don't get in a strop.

But you do see she's not throwing us the slow Quaffles, at least.

Moony's right; there are good responses in what you're saying. That the AK has only one outcome and that by definition it's premeditated, that sort of thing. And not what either of us said, so that's a good perspective.

And as for Andie... Circe, I'm sorry you had to see it happen, love.

[alt_nymphadora]

Well, it's a reason to fight back, isn't it?

Just not with AK.

[alt_lupin]

Yeah.

I'm thinking about this (waiting for the water to heat) and I think Miss Perks WOULD understand what you're saying -- and might take it rather more seriously than anything Sirius or I already said about it. (We were, hmm, probably a little more brief than was helpful.) The question I'm pondering is whether we need to obscure the bit about your mother being killed -- what are the odds she'd work out it was you?

[alt_lupin]

I'm probably worrying too much about that detail. Quite a few mothers died in the war, after all.

[alt_nymphadora]

Well, there's that.

Are you going to let me hear your answers now? Or do I have to answer the rest before you'll tell me?

What else did she want to know?

Oh, about whether it's ever all right to go along with a bad business because you don't want anyone to think you're disloyal. Where to start with that one, right?

[alt_lupin]

Here's what all she asked:

1. You don't like Dogstar's methods, but do you really think anything's going to change without violence?

2. The Unforgiveables: really all that bad (other than cruciatus)? Does it matter HOW you kill somebody?

3. Do you think killing is always wrong?

4. If you're killing someone who completely deserves it (Carrow, Voldemort, Bellatrix -- I like her examples, by the way) can you commit justifiable premeditated murder using the killing curse, striking from behind, and have that be okay?

5. Where do you draw the line for the thousands of everyday wrongs and indignities you're forced to participate in as a child (a fostered half-blood, in her case) growing up in the Protectorate?

6. What about those things you have to participate in as a member of the CCF?

7. What if choosing the right course of action will have truly grave consequences for you?

8. What if choosing the right course of action will have worse consequences for the person you're trying to protect?




My answer to #2 was 'yes. yes.' Yours was much better.

[alt_nymphadora]

The last ones--that was her story about being ordered to kick someone and knowing that if she didn't do as they told her, then the next person might use Crucio instead of a kick.

I thought I was going to tell her that it might make the person behind her think again about what to do if she set an example, only, I know that's not how it seems to her. No one would have taken me as a model when I was in school. I was lucky if they ignored me, but it was more likely they'd point out everything I did and make a meal of how it was all wrong.

I can't blame her if she just tries to keep her head down and not cross any lines at all ever.

[alt_lupin]

Yeah. After getting the letter we went reading through the other journals, trying to work out what on earth they've been up to in CCF that might have set off this round of questions. Apparently they had a class where 'muggle management' was demonstrated. Then they had an activity where they were expected to 'manage' some muggles themselves.

Kicks were the least of it, apparently.

[alt_nymphadora]

Ugh.

I'm glad they didn't have that CCF business when I was in school. I suppose I'd have been made to do it, so they could force me to show how glad I was to be a loyal subject. They never missed a chance to make me renounce my parents all over again.

Did you see the pictures of them all marching on Freedom Day? In uniforms. I'm so glad we didn't drag Bea out for the parade. Besides then we'd have missed all the people who came here instead.

[alt_sirius]

Well, I said to Moony I've always thought the Killing Curse is a lazy way to do it, in point of fact. There's no sporting chance.

What gets me time and again is how the Protectorate thinks they can ever raise a nation of people whose families were torn apart like that and actually trust them not to want vengeance.

Just promise me when she starts asking for advice on boys or clothes or kids, you'll take it upon yourself to answer. You saw her comment that I dislike girls? Perhaps she ought to consider that boys ask more straightforward questions!

[alt_nymphadora]

Do they really?

I thought Harry asked you pretty much the same things. You just don't mind them when they come from him.

[alt_sirius]

He asked a few of them, yes. But it was different. Boys don't ask their questions with quite so much nuance. And they don't expect as much nuance in the answers, either.

Besides, he's my godson. My connection to Miss Parkinson is tenuous and to Miss Perks even less so.

Mainly, though, girls are just bloody confusing.

[alt_nymphadora]

So she's right. You just like boys better.

[alt_sirius]

No. I understand them better.

Sometimes I think they train you girls to speak a whole other language together.

As well as twisting anything a man says. Honestly, you.

[alt_nymphadora]

Well, you made me smile, at least.

So, ta.

[alt_sirius]

Ta, sniffles.

[alt_lupin]

When Harry was ordered to cruciate Hermione, he wrote to you wondering what to do.

That was basically questions #7-#8, right there. He could refuse, but there might be grave consequences -- including for Hermione.

I'll admit that Harry seems to space out the hard questions a bit more.

Private Message to Moony

[alt_sirius]

Yes, your memory banks are quite helpful. Shut it.