alt_nymphadora | ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Charlie

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Oh, luv.

Is today better?

I was glued to my journal last night, and knew that nothing I could say would make a jot of difference, but I hope you know I was with all of you. I'm sorry for what happened with the man who was Kissed, but all of you were brilliant.

It's been a hard few weeks, hasn't it? I find myself getting teary eyed and sweeping Bea up and hugging her til she wriggles at the oddest moments. And Bap is doing somersaults and flips like no-one else, too.

I'm so bloody grateful they're both hidden. They won't be forced to march in a parade with werewolves, or sing those awful songs, or watch people barely older than they are kill other people for sport ever. Or, in Bea's case, ever again, although she was too young to remember, really. Still. Having her in those stands during the Frost Faire nearly made me break in half.

I don't know how Molly, Alice, and Frank are still standing.

I don't.

And it's so deeply selfish of me, but I'm glad they won't be going anywhere near Hogwarts unless we've won.

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Yeah. A little better. Still not fabulous. I just can't stop thinking about the look on his face, after. Or the not-look on his face.

I was the one doing the Patronus for our group, you know -- mine was the strongest. (I was using the moment I first felt the Bap kicking, as my happy memory. Guess it worked!) So it's on me, for putting him down, and for getting too far away from him.

I mean, on the one hand, I know it was just a mistake, and because we were trying to wrangle too many people with too few wands and trying to keep everyone together and not have them wander off and disappear down a dark dank hole and all. And everyone we got out -- all the ones who were in any shape to say, I mean -- told me they'd have rather been Kissed than spend one more day in there and anyone would've taken the risk. But I can't stop replaying it and wondering what I could've done differently.

And I don't think it's selfish, to be glad the kids aren't going anywhere near Hogwarts until we win. I think it's human. I don't know how Frank and Alice and Molly are doing it, either.

I think about it sometimes, you know. How nice it will be if Bea and the Bap wind up at Hogwarts with all the Muggleborn babies we rescued and, I don't know, you and Frank and Molly teaching there.

Actually, that sounds lovely, you know. I'll take Creatures. You can teach Transfig. We'll put Frank in Defence and Molly can teach Charms. Siz will want to go back for Astronomy, of course, and we can give Dumbledore back his position as Head, and Poppy her infirmary back. Think Snape would want to teach Potions? He's been teaching Hermione, after all.

I like this story. Tell me more.

I think Snape'd take the job with his usual amount of grumbling. Or Hermione'd take it from under his nose.

I'd bet Harry would be beyond thrilled to be the flying instructor. Nothing but brooms and quidditch strategy. And Hagrid could keep the grounds.

Who'd be Minister, d'you think?

I think Harry would be wonderful as a flying instructor. And, I know, Snape would take the job and last a year and then come storming into Dumbledore and say that he refuses to teach such dunderheads, and Dumbledore would smile and put Hermione in to teach the first through fifth years and let Snape take the NEWTs. Or he'd last for a year and then storm off in a fit of fuck-THIS-noise and he and Hermione can start a research lab that turns out brilliant and innovative new potions. Hermione can be the public face, and Snape can hide in his lab and never talk to humans.

I think we should make Alice be Minister. Or -- no, I know. Remus. Because if we're going to change the world, we might as well start by naming a werewolf to be Minister, dammit. And if that doesn't work, Remus would be a good choice for History, I think. Oh! And Cecelia Perks, for Runes.

(And then I start to get sad, because we all know who should have been Herbology professor after Sprout.)

(Too right, that.)

(I sat with Frank for a bit at the Boxing day party, and it just

He seemed so small.)

Remus would make a lovely History professor. He'd also make a lovely Minister. He and Alice'd just have to switch off every few years until they're ready to do something else.

Frank doesn't look good, does he?

(Although, speaking of Snape, I was surprised, on Boxing Day, at how much he seems to be keeping an eye out for Frank. And Alice, too. I mean, it's not that I think Snape's as much a heartless bastard as some people think he is, but he's not exactly the warm and fuzzy type.)

Keep an eye on him in about, oh, a week or two, will you? I'm guessing it hasn't all finished sinking in yet, and we had this to plan for. Now that we're done with it, he's probably going to have an even rougher time of things.

Poor Neville. When this is all over, I swear I'm going to make sure the whole damn country knows what he did. I will singlehandedly campaign for a Neville Longbottom Day if I have to. (I don't think I'll have to do it singlehandedly, though.)

No. No, he doesn't. He told me once he was amazed he'd made it this far. I just hope he sees enough reason to keep going.

I'll be sure to. After all, I've got to sit him down so we can work through all the mischief we're going to get up to once Bap has made his appearance.

You've got my signature for Neville Longbottom Day, too.

Can there be flowers?

Miles and miles of flowers.

(And yes, I noticed. He's honest, I'll give him that. Less warm, more... sincere? Possibly? It's an odd mix, to be sure, but sorely needed, and they don't seem to mind.)

Flowers everywhere. And it should be on the actual day it happened, so that people have green and growing things to look at in the middle of the dark and winter.

And, you know. Speaking of Frank, and of the Bap -- we haven't talked godparents, yet. And I can't really think of anyone who'd be more suited than Frank and Alice. Do you think they'd ... I dunno, do you think they'd find that hurtful, remind them of what they've lost, or do you think they'd like it?

I think it'd be a little bit of both, at first. But the latter can't really be avoided, and it's a good idea. Alice is Bea's, and bringing Frank into the fold too is a good idea all round, I think.

We are creating a family, after all.

A weird and wonderful family.

And it's human to have a case of the what-ifs after. When you're good at chess, I'd imagine it's hard to avoid.

Still. What you lot did was enormous. I know, there'll be other more enormous things yet to do, but it was damn impressive.

It's weird, I just told Ron, the day before, that when you're playing chess you have to make sacrifices. Remember, he said that Desai set it up so he found 'evidence' I was selling things on the black market, and waited to see if Ron would turn me in? I told Ron that if that sort of thing ever came up for real, I wanted him to go ahead and denounce me as fast and as hard as he could, do anything he needed to keep his cover, because winning this war is more important than any one person and him with the Aurors is going to be damn helpful in the future.

And if you look at it that way, I shouldn't be upset, because showing people that the Protectorate is not all-powerful is an important thing to do, and losing one person in the middle of all that is just collateral damage. But then I think, well, the real reason for all this was to save Lucius sodding Malfoy, and making a public demonstration of the Protectorate's weaknesses was just a side benefit, and I don't know if that counts as important. And then I remember that no, we have Bellatrix Lestrange's hair now, and that might wind up strategically critical in the future. And and and.

I don't know. I think I'll eventually come around to, this was an important thing to do and one fuckup in the process is understandable and it's a miracle there weren't more. But I think it'll take me a bit to get there emotionally, not just intellectually.

And it was to keep Rachel safe.

And even though it was supposed to be one person, we blew a hole in the side of that prison and marched out twenty-eight more than we needed.

It's messy, and it often seems like we're in the sort of place where we're just running around reacting to what someone else has done, and it's utter chaos, but we are building to something.

At least I'd like to think we are. More than we were before.

You can probably see it more than I can, though.

And after yesterday...

I'd been chewing over the idea that we'd stand up and everyone around us would work as hard as they could to fight against us. Against change. That we'd be five or ten years too late, and everyone would be too used to all of this to want anything different, and to give it up.

I don't think that'd happen any more, though.

I really don't think so, no.

I mean. Look at the Jr Aux and their friends. I have to say, I never would have imagined Draco Malfoy and Hydra Lestrange as part of us, and yet they took a good look at the system they were being raised to have power in and said "that's bollocks" and threw in with us. And if they can do it, loads more can. And have, really -- how many of our latest new recruits have come out of people who were raised with this, and have never really known anything else?

Five years ago I think we would have had a problem. But now, the only people who'll step up and say that His Noselessness has the right end of the stick are the people who want a part of the stick for themselves.

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